So I saw my therapist last week...
I’ve been looking for a new therapist for a while now.
For me, therapists are like seasons. There have been periods where I’ve seen the same therapist for years; I start off needing urgent help with some emotional crisis and then it evolves into more of an excavation situation. The most impactful work always happens during those excavations, when nothing was on fire. It’s like back-burning. No drama, incredibly helpful and a slog.
Then I get restless and I move on.
The new therapist I’ve been seeing is actually a performance psychologist. She sees a lot of actors, performers and creative people. This is new for me. It’s the first time I’ve seen a therapist who gets the specific weirdness of what it means to have a public profile. Or run a large business.
Those things have a significant footprint over my life in all sorts of ways. I’ve spent a lot of therapy hours trying to explain what getting cancelled feels like or the intense pressure that comes with employing people and having their livelihood on your shoulders. See also above: cancellation. It’s a head fuck, I’ll tell you.
The reason I went back to therapy this year is a kind of malaise I haven’t been able to nail. I stopped writing. I stalled on a creative project I’ve been kicking around in my head for a year. I began to feel anxious before recording Outloud.
Did you know that one of the symptoms of exhaustion for creative people is a loss of confidence? Who would have thought after all this time, I’d be feeling like I was getting worse at the thing I’ve been doing pretty well for 30 years.
In our last session, my therapist taught me two incredibly basic tricks for when I’m experiencing any kind of anxiety, stress or emotional dysregulation - which I do often because fight-or-flight is my default state.
So next time you’re feeling anxious or strung out or scared or stressed - nervous before you have to have a difficult conversation or give a speech or you’re just freaking out because of the news, try either or both of these two things.
EXHALE. I’ll explain exactly how in a second but first, why it works:
Your body generally interprets an exhale as a cue to relax and an inhale as a cue to prepare for action. This is connected to how our nervous system responds to breathing patterns.
Exhaling signals relaxation: When you breathe out slowly and fully, it activates the parasympathetic nervous system (the "rest and digest" system), helping your body calm down and relax.
Inhaling prepares for action: Breathing in, especially quickly or deeply, can activate the sympathetic nervous system (the "fight or flight" system), which gets your body ready to respond to challenges or stress.
Longer exhales promote calm: Focusing on making your exhale longer than your inhale can quickly reduce stress and help you feel more relaxed, as it further stimulates the body's relaxation response.
Breathe out - ideally while making some kind of sound like “shhhh’ to make you more aware of your breath (or silently if you’re with people and you don’t want them to think you’re telling them to STFU). But like REALLY breathe out until your lungs feel totally empty. Then just release and some air will automatically rush in - you don’t even have to consciously breathe back in. Do it, like, 10 times or however many times you can. Even once it helpful.
2. STRETCH. I rarely stretch. And by rarely, I mean never. It’s slow and it’s boring and I’d rather either exercise or look at my phone. Stretching feels pointless.
Turns out it’s not! And not just for physical reasons because……..
Again! Like Exhaling! It’s a short-cut to the relaxation response! Stretching activates the parasympathetic nervous system "("rest and digest"), helping you feel calmer and more relaxed.
There’s a reason why your muscles tense up when you’re scared or nervous; they’re ready to spring into action. When you stretch, your body reads it as an instant sign that you’re safe. No need to fight a dragon or flee an attacker. Bitch can chill.
Boosts Mood and Reduces Stress: Stretching can also trigger the release of endorphins and serotonin, natural chemicals in your body that improve mood and help regulate stress. It also helps lower stress hormones like cortisol.
Don’t worry if you’re not bendy - it’s not about being flexible, just stretching whatever muscle you can, even if you just touch your toes and hang there for 10 seconds.
WARDROBE MVP: CAMO PANTS
You know that I believe deep in my soul that camo is a neutral and I wear it accordingly. I currently have two pairs of camo pants in high rotation - one from Bassike and one from Ksubi and both are very wide. The Ksubi ones were too long and so I got the scissors out and now they’re too short.
Will I learn from this? I will not. I just fucking love scissors. What will I chop next, I can’t wait to find out.
Interesting to see how much red I’m wearing. Tops, trainers and of course, the real MVP of my wardrobe in the past year: this red slouchy bag from COS. So far, I haven’t found an outfit I don’t want to wear it with.
In fact, Red-Is-A-Neutral is now officially under consideration. I’m adding it to leopard and camo, khaki and denim. Also flouro.
Why am I so worked up about Meghan Sussex & Emma Grede?
After we recorded this episode, I had to check with Holly, Jessie and our big boss Ruth whether I came across as overly emotional or unhinged because I feel a bit like that on this topic.
You can be the judge
Definitely one to unpack with my therapist……..